He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize