She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh god it's open bar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize