Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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