What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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