im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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