my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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