I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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