Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize