I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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