Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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