Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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