When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize