Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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