I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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