Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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