Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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