he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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