I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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