Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize