Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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