So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize