he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize