I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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