I'm going to jail i love you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize