it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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