using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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