Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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