Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize