If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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