K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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