??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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