The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize