All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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