I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize