Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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