so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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