Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize