I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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