Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize