come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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