Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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