You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize