Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize