How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize