The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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