All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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