Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize