We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize