Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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