it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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