He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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